Spanish Errors

Speaking in a second language always seems to pave the way for some good laughs to a native speaker on the receiving end. While my spanish is decent during the day, it definitely starts to get sloppier the more tired I get. Here are a couple of good examples on my last call:

I was asked to evaluate a patient who was in the hospital for preterm labor and had returned from the bathroom thinking she may have broken her bag. Afterward, I presented my findings to the chief resident and said: "Esta paciente es una mujer que ha tenido tres ojos antes de este embarazo.", which translates to "This patient is a woman who has had three EYES before this pregnancy." "

Ojos = Eyes
Hijos = Children

Oops. Even funnier was when I was scrubbed into a c-section at 3 AM with the third-year resident. Here, staples are too expensive so they close the skin with sutures, specifically vertical mattresses (a type of stitch). The resident requested another pair of suture and forceps for me to help so I asked "Cochones verticales?", thinking I was asking "Vertical mattresses?" Everyone started laughing because it turns out I had asked instead: "Vertical homosexuals?"

Colchones = Mattresses
Cochones = Homosexuals

It's remarkable how a simple little "L" can make a BIG difference...

This week a group of orthopedic surgeons and their staff from North Carolina are making their sixth trip down here to donate lots of supplies (and a fluoroscopy machine!), perform seven to eight operations per day, and do some teaching to the residents and attendings. Eventually, according to Amy, they hope to donate $10,000 to open up a special "orthopedic ward" -- pretty remarkable. Operation Smile is also currently in Nicaragua making its way around the country to operate on children with cleft palates. At dinner last night I was telling Amy how seeing how these two groups can make a drastic difference in such a short amount of time actually made me wish I were a surgeon in some ways. Amy reminded me, though, that currently we are in the "tertiary center"of Nicaragua, where there are residents, attendings, etc, and so don't feel as "needed" per se. However, if we traveled even 10-20 miles out of Leon, we'd be in a more rural location where suddenly the skills we've learned during our family medicine training would be more valuable.

Today was a hoppin' day in Labor & Delivery, with too many patients to available beds. There were something like twelve patients and only eight beds, so the unfortunate last four had to just sit in a chair or walk around. Crazy. I did a delivery today that left me with an unpleasant taste in my mouth - figuratively. First, there was a first year male OB resident and nurse yelling angrily at the patient to push harder even though she was doing a great job. Here, it seems if the baby is not out in five minutes, they get ridiculously impatient and say things like, ¨Don't you want to see your baby? Why aren't you pushing harder?!?¨ At one point the resident actually put all his weight on the woman's belly to "help" her while continuing to yell at her. Then, there was the extremely nervous pediatric intern obsessing about bulb suctioning and telling me to immediately put the baby on the mom's belly prior to cutting the cord (traditionally done here). I've tried not to be too critical vocally during my days in the hospital because truly Amy and I are guests and who is to say our way -- the U.S. way -- is the best way. But today was tough. I think the bottom line is that I need to review the literature to decide for myself what is, first, safer, and second, more considerate to the mom and baby.

Cindy